


Pls. give me back my heart

by Pjhjigglypuff



Category: Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Drabble, M/M, Post-Break Up, based on a demi lovato song-stone cold
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-01
Updated: 2018-05-01
Packaged: 2019-04-30 15:57:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14500488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pjhjigglypuff/pseuds/Pjhjigglypuff
Summary: 'is it too late? can we fix it? pls. let me fix it, we can make it through, please'. these were the last words that i said to you 15 months ago. 'no daniel, i'm sorry but i don't think we can fix this anymore'. and these were the last words that you said to me and until now, i don't know if i can accept it.





	Pls. give me back my heart

**Author's Note:**

> pls. don't hate me..i know i've been just writing angst for nielwink. i'll try to write a fluffy one next time, i promise.
> 
> this is based on demi lovato's stone cold, so some of the lines here are from the song.
> 
> and thank you my sweetie @valerine for last nights chat, that gives me the inspiration to write a nielwink drabble. mwah!
> 
> i hope you enjoy it eventhough i'm still lacking in so many ways.

i can see you standing, holding a glass of wine, wearing a light pink tuxedo, brushed up hair, plump red lips, enticing dark brown eyes, perfect straight nose and plump cheeks. the same park jihoon that i loved, no, the park jihoon that i still love until now, the park jihoon that i will love until the end of forever. but there's this one difference that i hate to see. your bright smile and twinkling eyes that was not meant for me anymore.  
me, wearing a light blue suit, standing in front of you, but dying to hold you. tears that threatened to fall anytime but i'm trying my best to hold it as long as i can. maybe if i don't cry, i won't feel pain anymore. we locked eyes for a moment, but that moment seems forever. you smiled, and waved to me. please don't take those eyes away from me, please look at me for a little longer. but you looked away, and i can see again those bright smile and twinkling eyes that should be meant for me, only for me, but not anymore. 

 

'is it too late? can we fix it? pls. let me fix it, we can make it through, please'. these were the last words that i said to you 15 months ago. 'no daniel, i'm sorry but i don't think we can fix this anymore'. and these were the last words that you said to me and until now, i don't know if i can accept it. 

 

we've been best friends for 8 yrs. it's been 3 yrs. that we've been together. we loved each other so much that we barely fight. only one time, one time that i made a mistake, but i already proved how much i felt sorry for doing that to you. i asked for another chance, and you gladly give it to me with no hesitations. i know, i know how much you love me, and you know how much i love you too. but why, why did u change? i thought you gave me the chance to make it up to you, i thought you forgive me already, i thought you forgot my mistake already, but now, why are you being so cold? the once bright jihoon that i used to love and used to see everytime i wake up in the morning is gone. is it me? do you not love me anymore? is that one mistake that i did is really hard to forget? i love you, i love all of you. but can't you love all of me? 

 

it's been days, weeks, months that you're not cuddling with me anymore. i tried my best to understand, i tried my best to shower you with all the love that i can give. i never asked you, not even once, why are you going home late. i tried to hide the pain, the misery of every day. i tried to be the same daniel that you used to love, sweet, funny, childish and affectionate, but you, you're slowly slipping from my world. but never, never in that 3 months that i questioned you, i just patiently waited for you. waited for the time that you will heal, that you will open up again to me, that you will remember all the happy memories that we had. i waited and waited, but the day had come. the day that i feared the most, the day that i wished, hoped and prayed that will never come. 'i'm sorry daniel, but this is not working anymore, let's break up'. i can feel your pain, the tears are starting to escape from your beautiful eyes. you're shaking, trembling, uneasy, tired. i hugged you, hugged you tightly, trying to ease your pain, trying to stop your tears from flowing. 'jihoon pls. pls. is it too late? can we fix it? let me fix it, we can make it through, please'. 'no daniel, i'm sorry but i don't think we can fix this anymore'. that's the only words that you tried to say in between sobs. and i'm starting to cry, the pain that i tried to hide all these months are unleashed, i can't control my tears anymore. i'm begging, i'm begging to let me fix this. i know, i know that we can make it through, i know that i can do it. pls. just let me. all these words are left unsaid. 

you left, you left that same day. i'm still begging, i'm willing to beg until you accept me again. but no, instead you hugged me, you hugged me tightly, and you kissed me, that last kiss, that last passionate kiss that we shared, i can still feel your soft lips, the saltiness of your tears. i can still feel your longing, your love and also your pain. and then you're gone. you left me alone, in misery, in pain, and in despair. 

 

months passed by rather too slow for me. i never tried to call you, i never tried to see you. maybe because i think it will be the best for both of us, or maybe best for me. but you, you stayed in touch, you always texted me, asking me if i'm okay, if we can still be friends, if we can meet. you apologized many times for breaking up with me. but no, i won't, i won't see your face. it's too hard for me already, it will be more difficult to forget you if i see you, if i meet with you. you may left me physically, but the memories, the pain are all still etched here, here in the deepest hole of my heart. i tried everything to make me forget, alcohol, gambling, one night stands, name it, i did it all just to forget your beautiful face, your sweet kisses, your warm hugs, but everything about you is just so beautiful that it's so hard for me to forget. i still love you jihoon. i think i love you too much that it hurts.

 

another few months have passed. i think i'm getting better, i think i can slowly move on or maybe, or maybe because i just became numb, numb enough to not feel the pain anymore. i don't know, but i think, i want to believe that i'm starting to move on.

 

 

an unexpected knock comes to me one morning. i was just getting ready for work and i opened the door. and it's you, it's the beautiful man that i always love is standing in front of my doorstep. it's been 15 months, 15 miserable months that i longed for you. is this a dream? but i'm clearly awake.

you smiled the moment i opened the door. but i was too shocked, too shocked to return the smile that you willingly gave to me. and you hugged me, you hugged me tightly and excitedly. 'oh my god daniel, it's been so long. how are you? i missed you.' those are the words that snapped me back to reality. you released me and hold my both hands. 'jihoon, hi..ummm..i'm good, yes it's been so long. you, how are you? you look...happy.' you chuckles and said 'aren't you going to invite me inside?' and i slowly give way so you can go inside, inside that once our home, both our home. you immediately sits in the couch and gesture to sit beside you. i still couldn't believe that you're here, you're sitting right next to me, in our couch. i can't stop looking at you. you're the same jihoon that i loved so many years ago. beautiful round eyes, fluffy black hair, plump cheeks, perfect nose and plump red lips. 

'so daniel, how's it going? ummm...i know it's been so long. but i hope you can still treat me as your friend'. you say it while looking at the ground. i don't know what to feel. i'm happy that you're here. but am i really ready to accept you as my friend, again only friend? i tried to look happy, just because i don't want you to be disappointed or to feel guilty. and i know that you tried to reach out all those 8 months but it's me that can't move on, it's me that can't accept the reality. 

'of course, i'm still your friend. i will always be your friend' and with that, you smiled and hugged me again. i hugged you back, but i can't smile, i still can't smile. i thought i finally moved on, but why can't i, why can't i smile?

you pulled something from your bag and looked at me. 'ummm..i don't know if you will accept my favor, but it will really means a lot to me if you can'. and then you handed me an envelope, a white envelope. i looked at you but you just smiles and nod. i slowly opened it and pulled a glossy white pinkish paper. when i saw the content of the elegant paper, my eyes wide, my heartbeat stops, my chest is suddenly tightening, excruciating pain starts to creeps in 'with their families you are invited to the wedding of Mr. Hwang Minyun and Mr. Park Jihoon on...' i stopped. i halted. i don't want to read anymore. but still, i still managed to give you a smile. my eyes captured something, there, in your perfect cute finger, i saw the ring, the ring that will dragged me to reality that this is it, it's true, it's true that you and jihoon are just friends and will always be just friends. 

i took a deep breath and looked you in the eyes, 'congratulations, i'm so happy for you, for the both of you.' i hugged you, i tried everything to control the tears. i don't want you to see that i'm still hurting, that i haven't moved on, that i'm still unhappy, that i'm still deeply in love with you. you thanked me and hugged me tightly.  
'so what's your favor by the way?' i asked him while i put the envelope away. 

'yes, about that..ummm..is it ok if you can be my best man? but i would truly understand if you can't, or if you have other plans'

'no, it's okay. i will be there, i promise. as your...best man'. again you beamed with delight and hold my hands and say 'thank you daniel, this really means a lot to me' and you quickly kissed my cheeks.

i was taken aback by your action so i hurriedly pulled you, pulled you into a tight hug. i really wanted to kiss you, to kiss you badly, but i don't want to ruin any of this. to ruin your happiness, your excitement, your everything. i pat my shoulder in my mind for being able to control my emotions, for not kissing you, for not crying and for not asking you to not marry him, and to marry me instead. you just gently caressed my back and continued to say thank you. i pulled back, we both smiled and you stand up. 

'so, i'm going now. thank you for accepting my favor again daniel. and it's really nice to see you. i'll text you okay?'

'okay, jihoon. i'll see you'.

again, you left, you left me, still in pain, more pain, more miserable and never been unhappy.

 

 

you're there, standing happily with him. smiling and laughing the way that you used to smile and laugh with me. i was your amber, but now he's your shade of gold. you're eyes are the brightest when you're dancing with him. i can see the glow that radiates within you, that i failed to see when we were together. now, now that you're not mine anymore, how can i take back my heart that's meant to be yours forever. but pls. give me back my heart, jihoon, so i can be happy, so i can be happy for you. 

i wish i could mean this, but here's my goodbye.

 

i will try to be happy for you.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading. i really love nielwink, they are my superior ship.
> 
> i just missed them so much
> 
>  
> 
> sorry for my writing, i'm still an amateur, so pls. bare with me.


End file.
